Monday, February 27, 2006

artifact found: black cat

warning: not for the faint of heart or cat lovers.

in that fateful corner of the basement, where the poetry was stashed, our plumber's crew found a dead black cat in the boarded up window well. poor thing, he was frozen stiff. hopefully, this is one of those reverse luck things. like a bird dropping on your shoulder is good luck. we need to call some kind of service to have Lucky removed. maybe that is what happens when you throw out your dead husband's poetry. someone in the heavens roared, and a sacrifice was made. our basement seems to be a magnet for strangeness. first the nativity set, then the journals, now this. stay tuned for more tales from the voodoo basement.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

mystery revealed: polish journals

dN ran into thelma from next door as he arrived at the house to meet with the plumber today. we gave her the bag o' polish journals we found tucked into a corner of the basement. turns out her mother hid them there after her father died. they are filled with poetry. apparently her mother hated his poetry. i wonder what the real story is. anyone want to take a guess? maybe all the poems rhymed and were about past loves. that would drive any sane woman to stash her dead husband's books of poetry into a decaying corner in the basement. odd stash, i'll say that much.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

strip naked we're fitting you for insoles

only in switzerland could they find a way to make something so geriatric, somehow sexy. it was surreal. my vision was slowly starting to come back as we headed on a train bound for a charming swiss town called Appenzell. my mum was my escort, seeing eye person. my dr recommended the orthopedic fitting from a small sports shop run by a former olympic skier. it's a long boring story unrelated to my eyes on why the custom insoles were needed. it's a bit like bringing the car into the shop for an oil change and fixing the squeaky brakes while you're at it.

anyhow, we find our way upstairs to the fitting area and there is a distracted fellow behind the desk who looks like the swiss version of robert redford though slightly more athletic. his female assistant is a 20 something bookish type who speaks more english than he does but that's not saying much. there is a large swiss woman in her 60s ahead of us, she sits beside the desk and flips thru a magazine in stocking feet as she waits for her insoles. seems mundane enough. i really wasn't expecting what happened next.

off to the side, there is a platform with stairs and a tv screen built into the top step that you have to walk up and step on before you begin, they take a few impressions, snapshots, whatever and then you go into a room around the corner. there's a curtain on the door, a few sleek modern chairs against the wall for waiting and then a computer and video camera on the other side of the room directly across from a black curtain and another tv screen that you step on. the assistant mimes to me to remove my clothes except the "pantalones and bikini." hmm...

in the muddle of half swiss german and half english i realize that i am supposed to face the black curtain (away from the room), there is a huge spotlight on me. I can see in my shadow that my shoulders are up around my ears so i take a deep breath, relax and conjure Karen Cain hoping my posture improves. next the bookish assistant tells me to remove the bikini and put on a headband (i am an aerobic queen from the 80s)...then please pull down the "pantalones" just enough so they can see the bottom of the spine. capture it on video. then this fan comes on from below, blowing luke warm air up at me. i am tricked into being the star of an orthopedic porn flick obviously.

i smirk to myself and say "Ah, black toe." Of course, my mother doesn't get the Lost in Translation reference and says, "Black door?"

across the room the assistant and robert are fussing at the computer, ignoring us in the quest for perfect insoles. what feels like 20 minutes pass. still facing the black curtain, I say "Can I get dressed now?" everyone else seems to have forgotten that i am nearly naked and still facing the black curtain. they wave me along, like "Sure, sure whatever." then two minutes later we are the ones casually flipping thru a magazine by the desk outside while new unsuspecting insole seekers arrive.

of course the insoles fit like a dream.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

back from the edge

thank you zesty and not-a-poet for missing my blog and to everyone who checked up on me while I was away. i've missed blogging too. there's a good reason why there was a lapse in posts. i have just come back from the edge of blindness. it started at the end of september with a blurry paragraph from time to time. by early january, i couldn't see the toothpaste on my toothbrush or the tea in my cup, people's faces were missing, cars and signs on the street were a blur -no tvs or computer monitiors for me. after trying conventional approaches without much success, i ended up at a clinic in switzerland for treatment. they tested me for heavy metals and found high levels of palladium, mercury, lead and tin to name a few. using natural remedies, vitamins, detoxification methods, and neural therapy intensively for a month ---- my left eye is almost back to normal and my right eye is clearing too. (my right eye has been blurry for two years so it will take longer to recover) anyhow, i am grateful to be seeing these words as I type, for the gift of renewed vision and my ability to return to normal life again. it will take awhile to get rid of all the toxins completely but thankfully the dr's are optimistic for a full recovery over 1-2 years.