guilt tripin'

the theme of late is the remains of a Roman Catholic upbring: Guilt, with a capital G. those damn guilt muscles were exercised to the form of an olympic athlete. i remember this hellish math teacher from grade 7 who guilted me out for losing a test before my parents had a chance to sign it. she would not except a note in place of the signed test. even though i got an A on it. for weeks, she laid on the heat. and yet, who did i voluteer to help after school, who did i make breakfast for in home ec? hellish math teacher, of course. i had nightmares about this woman, i kid you not. guilt causes so much unnecessary stress and really if you do somthing because you were guilted into it, doesn't that undo the niceness of it in the first place? i say, down with guilt. life's too short. it is not like we will turn into karla holmolka if we don't have it in our lives. i'm going to set my guilt-dar to sensitive and fight the urges as hard as i can. anyone with comical stories of guilt wrecking havoc or advice on smashing it out of your life, please do tell.

what's your kidnap word?

went to bookclub this week and laughed a howl when one of my fav members let it be known that "medieval times" was her kidnap word - meaning the word she'd use to let someone know she was in danger if you happened to call during a kidnapping or some other catastrophe where the bad guy is pointing a knife or gun at you. why? because she wouldn't be caught dead at medieval times, much less wearing peach! so in that way it is perfect because, she wouldn't ever suggest going to medieval times in a normal, rational state of mind. it's a code word for CALL 911 NOW! one of the other members pointed out that it might be hard to work that naturally into the conversation but you'd find a way, i'm sure. i'm trying to think of a good kidnap word myself because you never know when you'll need to use it. ;)

june bug

summer is beginning to sink into my bones. this weekend we toured the city in search of light spectacles as part of a festival called Luminato. (or should i say thinly veiled marketing opportunity er festival) we also read on a beach and at a marina, despite the overcast skiies and loom of rain. toured artsy spaces with friends on saturday. ate japanese food and fell in love with vegetables all over again. feels like the beginning of june is the start of summer goodness. definately feels like we need to hold on to it and savour it.

deluxe

as you know, this is one of my favourite words. wishing deluxe-ness on the world today.

happy birthday

it is my favourite person in the world's birthday today! can't imagine my life without him. the image of a grin sweeping over his face starting at the eyebrows fits this post, you'll just have to imagine it. just thought i'd shout it out. xo~

shut up & sing

in case you haven't heard, this is the title of a film about the way the Dixie Chicks dealt with the right wing back lash when Natalie Maines spoke her mind and said she was ashamed the President was from Texas on the eve of the war in Iraq. i thought the chicks were brave and handled the matter boldly. it must have been very tough to face that heat. personally, the story speaks to me. i feel like much of my life i've been expected to shut up and apologize for speaking my mind or having a different view point. this is the way it is in my family, it seems. i usually try to deflect and defuse conflict by making everyone laugh or telling sentimental stories. i can see the value in "making nice" because sometimes kicking up a fuss just leads to more grief and angst. in the end, would you rather be right or happy, peaceful even? i guess in the Dixie Chicks case, they took a break and then came back to say it again. this time, the message wasn't as shocking and the context had changed. it is interesting because two very American qualities were at odds, supporting their leader and freedom of speech. both highly valued. anyhow, thanks Dixie Chicks for living out loud so bravely. it helps us all.

fresh

back in action, just distracted trying to fit five days into four this week. the liver cleanse was an experiece, good in the long run I am sure. no photos of stones to report, sorry Zest. almost wished there was some cosmic stone in magenta to report. can not wait for the weekend, sleeping in and doing nothing. have a great weekend everyone!

ancient grains

on day 3, there was amaranth. day 2 millet, day one quinoa. this cleanse is teaching me how to eat, but i have a way to go before i am an expert. need to learn the tricks with these grains to give them their due. today i cooked amaranth for 45 minutes, the instructions called for 20-30 but it didn't taste right so I left it longer. the steamed veggies and alkaline broth definately feel like clean energy, good for the body. the grains have an abundance of goodness too and keep you full for hours. it is a lot of work, but we're almost past the mid point. who hoo!

rooibus tea + rain

laughter meditation class was deluxe last night. we started the class with a cup of rooibus tea, tasted sort of cherry and fragrant. there were only two of us there but the gibberish exercise and the laughter meditation were my favs. with only three of us there you would think it would have been quiet but somewhere deep from within, huge belly laughs chased one another up into the sky. even the thunder roared along with us. flashes of lightning added sparkle too, egging us on, daring us to keep going. i laughed so hard, it hurt. literally. who knew a rain storm could be such fun?!

e.x.h.a.l.e

you know that feeling, that relief...when a huge weight is lifted from your shoulders and you can breathe, and laugh and perspective is finally within reach. life isn't perfect, nor is it always kind but it feels good to let off some steam once in awhile. i feel grateful (or greatful) for all the gifts that have come my way, especially lately -- both the obvious ones and those in disguise. it's like some of the dots are connecting and my emotions are detoxing along with the rest of me. i am out of practice in this dept. what can i say? i am truly a work.in.progress. collecting the moments, both sunny and cloudy and movin' on up. it feels brave at times, fiasco-like at others. i will be stronger from all the changes, and it feels good.

i am starting a one week liver cleanse tomorrow for health reasons. it's alot of vegetables, grains and apple juice. it won't be easy but i think it's long overdue. we'll see what happens, the end result is a bunch of stones full of salt and toxins -- toxins I've been carrying around inside my hard working liver my whole life. that's a metaphor I am sure. once you start seeing metaphors in life, they just keep coming and sometimes they are laugh out loud funny. like having constipation at your inlaws, sorry to be crass. that wasn't the case this weekend, but still -- it's an example. hope that made you chuckle. thanks for listening. bonus points to anyone brave enough to post a comment. i could use the support. that feeling that someone understands.

take that universe

the anthem of fighters, sing it sister.

my moon my man

love, love, love feist and this song. don't you? sublime.

silver lady speaks

there are times when it feels like the universe is saying Talk to the hand, girl. this week is definately like that. woke up to jack hammers that sounded like they were in the office early monday morning, it was like the theme song for the week. it's just been the small stuff, but it is almost funny how one after the other hassles have lined themselves up. hopefully the sky is clearing now. i feel like this silver lady pic speaks to the universe, saying RESPECT and then socking it to me. yeesh.

the doors

the excitement this week was the arrival of... wait for it. our new front door(s). double door, in fact. here's the work.in. progress captured for all to see.

before...


during...


after

the jar of pickles whispered

openned the fridge this morning and heard this sound "shhhhhhhhhhh...." i leaned in to the jar of soy whipped cream and thought maybe something had gone awry with the spray bottle. the shushing continued but this wasn't the source. i leaned closer and realized it was the jar of pickles. our fine traditional polish jar. how bizarre!

strange trash

wish i captured this on film. the crazy lady next door left 5 fans on the sidewalk as trash this week. she has the tiniest house, was there a fan in every room or is there some feng shui ritual involving fans that i am not aware of? she is a woman of the elements. first water out the window, then mountains of salt on the sidewalk, brooms in the window, now fans. any theories?

gather round

here's a snap of the grill on our lower level fireplace. i love the intricate detail, imagine the stories it could tell. snowy nights with the crackle burning behind it, rosy cheeks and chatter gathered round. stockinged feet lounging along side. makes you ache for hot coco and a good book. anybody have any good camp fire stories to share?

tattoo dreams

the angels invading my dreams have a funny sense of humour. last night the feature was all about deciding to get a tattoo on my face. the word soul beneath my eye, though i considered deluxe as an option and a few different symbols that had meaning at the time, one incorporated a cross. there was some sort of peer pressure on the tattoo until i finally realized i could say no and that plain skin was more beautiful. george clooney made a cameo. we actually played this video game together, i think i kicked his ass. anyhow george agreed that no tattoos was beautiful. i considered getting the tattoo somewhere less obvious, at the nape of my neck but decided against it. the tattoo artist did a sketch of just an O below my eye to help me see what it would be like...it looked alittle marilyn monroe. i commented that it would work if i was Oprah or Olivia. silly me.

luck

friday the 13th, the eve where mischief and hooligans make off with the jewels in life. good luck turned inside out. managed to escape catastrophe today, though my brow has furrowed itself into quite a crankola knot. any advice on ways to chase these blues away? i am sure this too will pass. i hearby summon the sweet angels of lady luck to soothe away any foul spirits from the weekend, to remind me of all the good of late and to keep on shining. today is the kind of day where i need to reverse any broken words that fall upon my ears.

obladi obladah

life goes on, alahala life goes on. as the wind chases your coat tails and you look up in the sky, the wind sighs knowingly and the spirit of spring makes itself known to the universe and you. i have been chased by crazy dreams lately -- lost on a film set parking lot where even zach braff's cell phone does not work for me. security guards hinder instead of help and different parts of my life mingle but it is like the dream soundrack for ill communication by the beasty boys. lots of missed connections and lost messages. here's hoping tonight sweet angels breathe a soulful kiss instead.