earth hour

how did you spend earth hour this weekend? we spent the hour reading this book by candlelight. lovely. no opera from the muse but a virtual vacation and I don't even drink wine! she is a great writer.

live in the land of oars

sometimes you are your own best guru.

i rediscovered this wisdom and find it is on my mind a lot. god grant me the strength to change the things I can. the courage to accept the things I can not change and the wisdom to know the difference. friday was a low but this reminder helped to turn things right again.

dreams: birds + apples

i'm back. so many posts to catch up on. last night i had a dream that this predator bird (black) was about to eat this tiny robin. the robin almost accepted her fate and at the last second, when she was in his mouth, she used her beak to attack the predator bird in the eyes, and she was free. awhile ago, i had a dream that eldest sisters (me) weren't allowed to eat apples. so many "sisters" rolled apples across a field secretly to me. it was all about secretly getting me the apples i needed. the sisterhood of the travelling apples. both dreams seemed like good signs. what do you think?

good find: bridget

the last two episodes of tapestry have inspired me lately. celtic rituals are fascinating. poetic. here's to celebrating the Irish mind, holding two thinks at the same time. heal, baby heal.

good find: dreams revealed

a friend sent this and of course i'm addicted. dreams, they do make us wonder.

good find: local: spacing

s p a c i n g. now online.

dream: hats + lockers

had a dream i was back in the land of highschool lockers, i had two of them and two hats. left an unflattering photo of myself with magnets in some boy's locker. silly!

good find: around the world 1930s style

my favourite cyclist in.spired this trip around the world.

white tiger

this is the year, to prowl, to bravely wear your stripes on your sleeve, to reinvent and re-build. yes.we.can.

s.w.a.k.

sealed with a kiss. a dear friend sent inspiration by post and it arrived today. how deluxe! we used to send marathon pen pal letters to each other as teens and we always sealed the envelop that way. pen pals. with instant messager, fakebook and twitter pen pals probably don't exist anymore. (she laments ironically on her blog) charm had a moment in s.w.a.k.

art.i.choke

when you break it up that way, it is no wonder we aren't fans of the vegetable.

in.spire: connect the dots

stay foolish. stay hungry.

dream: curls

dreamed of curling my hair last night. the dream book fortells romance. oh la la!

dreams: water, glass pyramid + big church

on new year's eve, i dreamed about drinking many glasses of water. ( i wasn't dehyrated from alcohol.) suppposedly, it is a sign of good luck. a few nights ago i dreamed i was in university again and one of the dorm rooms had this glass pyramid in the corner, sort of a crystal with these uneven opaque shards of glass. i remember 3 creating the pyramid and it was irresistible, i had to touch it. of, course i thought, makes perfect sense. lastly, i had a dream about this larger than life adobe church. it was terra cotta and on a hill in the back yard. i never went inside.

what do you make of all these symbols?

good find: inHarmony

thanks to my latest follower, I have recently discovered this site. guilty pleasure, but it feels right.

good find: a mixed tape for the universe

what's been inspiring you this year? radio lab is among my new favourite sources of brain candy. there's an old episode about space that got me thinking. if i was going to send a space capsule into the great beyond, here's what I'd include:

the chime of a tibetan singing bowl
a child's laugh
good soulful gospel music
an e.e. cummings poem
i have a dream speech by martin luther


what would your mixed tape sound like?

time

we play this game in the morning, where we take turns guessing the time. monday i guessed 8:24 and i was exactly right. i guess, for a moment i had the time. or maybe, it had me.

happiness

happy new year! ruby reminded me yesterday of this pearl of wisdom:

happiness is the journey.

it doesn't have to be the destination, something we are always striving for but never arriving at. perfectly imperfect. gratitude.

108

108 is a special number. this is my 108th post this year. the universe speaks and the stars are aligning for the new year. here's to inventing the script as we go and breaking all the rules along the way.

yes.we.can

108

dream: lipstick

had a dream i was behind the scenes as a friend was getting ready to walk down the aisle. we were putting on red lipstick and she told me I had to blot alittle. looked it up in the dream book and it predicts that it means overcoming an obstacle. there are many obstacles to conquer but I will take all and any good predictions! happy holidays y'all!

wish it. dream it. do it.

a wise woman had this painted on her wall. words to live by.

laughter...

is the fingerprint of the soul.

good find: sunday's word of the day

LUX
Today marks the feast day in the Western calendar of St. Lucy (or Lucia), whose name shares a root with the Latin word for light, lux. Modern English and other languages use the word for the SI unit of illumination, a much more techie way of talking about the power of light than the older footcandle.

of course i love luxe as a short form for luxury or deluxe.
ˆ

dream: snow

dreamed i was trudging thru deep snow, more like falling but the last thing i saw was a clear footprint, the rest were just holes from falling into the snow. the dream book says this means success after sustained determined effort on a project. i hope, i hope!

clown coming to town

strange but true. an old classmate from film school wrote me to say he'll be in Toronto for six weeks attending a clown workshop. will be great to reconnect and get the story. my mind is alive with creative possibilities. we will see what happens. he needs a place to stay if anyone is in the city and knows of leads. all are welcome.

and then the snow came

and the rain, and the hail, and the wicked winds. winter officially arrived today. the rooftops dusted with sugar, bundle up folks. the element don't lie.

shattered glass

had a flash of a glass breaking into thin air. the sound was crystal clear and short lived. looked it up in the dream book and it means change is coming.

lost song

went to a two year old's birthday party on friday and was charmed by her and her sister, age 6. first it was the balloons. big sis collecting them like blooms in a bouquet. then it was the random outburst of "i lost a song." i think she meant forgot but it captured my imagination. of course, I yelled back "Look under the couch!"

what does a lost song look like?

I imagined a black ball of typed text, when you kick it random lyrics play. it is a magnet for dust bunnies.

i keep having flashes of the lost song, so don't be surprised if this image continues. lately inspiration is everywhere.

bones

the trees have become bones. the gristle of gold gone. the outlines are beautiful, blueprints for the spring.

the black tiger

another one for the dream files. at first it was just a flash, a symbol. last night there was movement. it was a black tiger with stripes of muted black and dark rich ebony. his eyes were pale and mesmerizing, determined. sometimes they were green, sometimes a shade close to indigo. art.in.progress. the movement was all about the swagger, the grace of the prowl.

art.in.progress: dancing squares of light

our bedroom is a light exhibit. we have a window and a set of double doors that house translucent plastic for privacy. a temporary measure. the top 10% is open to the sky. depending on the hour, the sun (and moon) casts tattoos of different sizes of squares on alternating walls. the walls are dreamy blue. simple beauty.

lucky 13

howl at the moon, it's friday the 13th.

another dream about a library

there were these piles of vintage books of poetry not stacked on the shelf vertically but horizontally like you would see on a coffee table. for some reason I knew the library was phasing these books out. I could not see why as they possessed charms of French paper products. modern books can never match this. except maybe paris out of hand. i think it means i should get back to my story and write more poetry.

smokin'

how does one complete the most deluxe fall day? with smokehouse chicken and ice cream, that's how. the day was gorgeous. fall leaves in their full rich colour, warm sun that felt like August, porch chatter with all the neighbourly charms. great company. as the sun set, dinner was on my mind. if you are a meat eater and live in toronto, you must try this place. even the sides were sublime. (no mayo potato salad and green beans). we had to share the last chicken because they were sold out but every last bite was worth it. smokey freshness, bbq heaven. in a word: incredible.

thank.you

for the moral support, that arrived in my inbox, comments on the blog and in person visits. you guys are helping me through this quest and I am so grateful. i am lucky to have your love and encouragement. i know that all the coaches will make the difference. thanks for believing. appreciated.

coins + snow forts

i have been meaning to capture these memorable dreams for awhile. they felt like they were worth saving, a snapshot of my state in this moment. ideas welcome.

coins
dreamt i was going to a benefit and was stalled at the door trying to get the admission fee together. there were these beautiful coins, smaler than a penny but the colour of a dime. one had an ornate 7 on it. very dainty and magical. i lost track of the task at hand and was consumed by the artistic merit of these coins. i even wondered whether the Italian lire still existed, these were coins worthy of the italians.

snow fort
i was an adult but a friend called on me to play. we went outside and were gleeful at the site of this open air igloo. no top but blocks of snow and deluxe snow couches.

ass backwards

today was a tough day after a few weeks of languish. bad habits and short cuts galore. tomorrow is a new day. kick it into high gear. moral support welcome. most days I put on a brave face. the only way to get the happy ending i want is to stop the damn self pity party and become the heroine I know is required and write the story myself. no one said it was going to be easy. seize life, go after the goods. you.can.do.it.

food for thought

listen to the Oct 19 podcast of the next chapter. this ted talk also fed the fire this morning.

opera by candlelight

the power went out on our street tonight. darkness enveloped the house and the entire street. made the gusty winds rustling in the trees seem spookier. dN lit some bee-z wax candles and sure enough, the muse, the opera singer on the other side of the wall, decided to take the darkness as an opportunity to practice. the faint smell of honey was a nice touch...the lights came back on and the spell was broken.

life is but a dream

i have had many vivid dreams lately, here are the highlights. all insights welcome.

the green library
i dreamed dN and I were applying to OCAD and we snuck into their library prior to sending our application. the library and all the books were painted green. there was a collection of students there clipping stuff from various books for their applications. it was a tough crowd, they were convinced we wouldn't get in. i was going to make a choose your own adventure collage type book as my entry. the deadline was 7pm on friday.

picking perfect vegetables
i was at a deluxe grocery store and the whole dream was about selecting the perfect, healthiest produce. garlic, mint, mushrooms, stuff to make lots of salads and stirfrys. i didn't sample any of the fare but couldn't believe my luck to find such good stuff.

the township of olive
i was poring over these maps/architectural plans of this utopian village. sort of cottage country meets italian hill towns. beautiful typography. the plans showed shops to buy figs, bread, and of course olives. julia roberts made a cameo. she was telling me how olive was the type of place she liked to ride her bicycle around and watch sunsets from her dock.

obama makes a cameo
obama and i were trying to get bookclubs started in schools for all subjects. the idea was to start interesting conversations early and expand the topics covered in the curriculum. i was tutoring some of the kids on their recycling projects.

special forces

this post is for a special soul who has inspired me and continues to coach from the sidelines like no other. her son Mark (26) Corporal of the USMC will be dispatched to Afghanistan today and she needs all the prayers and thoughts imaginable to bring him back safe! he will be over there for 8 months. join.the.circle.

thank.you

on thanksgiving, a theme song...

good find: life as an experiment

a chill in the air

fall is in the air. officially. bundle up.

a lake, dark but still

had a dream that i was touring this new gym with a friend and there was both a pool and a lake to swim in. we wanted to swim in the lake and jumped in bravely even though it was dark and deep, maybe even cold. it was beautiful and the waters were calm. sort of felt a bit swamp-like when you peered into the thick waters but from afar it was the kind of lake that begged to be swam. so inviting. the gym was like a modern cottage with high ceilings, wood beams and lots of windows and light. my dream book falls short once again, what do you think it means?

i'll be seeing you

this is a song that i want played when i die. i know that seems morbid but it seems fitting. you can bet i'll be dropping in for tea when clocks align. is it creepy or beautiful? tell me the truth please.

black swan manifesto

recently i have been coming to terms with the ugly duckling of days past and trying to embrace the black swan within. why beat yourself up trying to please all the ducks? stretch those wings and dare to soar.

in.spire: ignore everybody

a long lost friend sent this, and the words of wisdom in.spire.

Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb. You may never reach the summit; for that you will be forgiven. But if you don’t make at least one serious attempt to get above the snow line, years later you will find yourself lying on your deathbed, and all you will feel is emptiness

Don’t try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether.

You have to find your own shtick.

mercury in retrograde

the power was gone for a time this morning, cancelled calls and appointments were the norm, email down for a stretch this week. maybe there is something to this mercury retrograde stuff. any one else notice any hijinks? hmmm... Officially ends oct 14.

a love letter

On our wedding aniversary, to my one and only...

we
there is no better pair of souls in the universe

raspberries + green tomatoes

neighbours have given us these garden delights this week. seems like edible art.in.progress. last night a soulful trumpet could be heard out the window.

sky

stared up at the sky this afternoon, art.in.progress. air planes leaving white lines cris-crossed against perfect blue. black birds flying in a V, so much beauty. i just felt grateful to witness it. an indian summer weekend full of sun and deluxe moments. life is a gift a wise woman told me recently. savouring it.

brush with scmarminess: feist

earlier this week, dN picked up take-out from Fresh on Crawford for me and spied feist on the patio in a hidden corner. good taste on her, fresh is among my faves in T.O. we also think we dined beside a couple of famous types on the Drake patio yesterday but couldn't name them. a blonde actress type with jackie-o shades flipped through a script beside us and this silver-haired gent two tables down had an air about him but applauded dN for helping me. It is TIFF after all. kind of hilarious that we guessed they were famous but couldn't place them. egos in check i suppose. makes them seem like characters in a play.

change gonna come

change.

you can't and you won't

kickin' it old skool.

building from the core

i am working to rebuild my core strength and my balance.

the metaphor is not lost on me.

was hoping to post some gospel music but could only find the lyrics to this sam cooke gem.

the universe speaks

reading the healing code and know that it holds wisdom i need to bring into my life. it is like the universe is speaking to me. re-programming the unproductive self talk and mastering emotions. no mean feat but muchly needed. i met two inspiring souls on this trip and that is more proof that the universe delivers what you need just in time when your soul is ready. gratitude.

hi and low

yesterday was a high, today I am struggling with hopeless blues. doesn't make any sense but if you want to remind me of the light side...coaching welcome. maybe i just need a nap.

two mice

Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse.

--Frank Abagnale Sr., Catch Me If You Can

horoscope

this was in now magazine the week before we arrived and it seems fitting, i want to keep it close.

leo

your strategies are very close to working. the results you've generated so far are almost useful.. bordering on successful and on the brink of beautiful. my question now is: you won't stop here, will you? you've already garnered a measure of recognition. you've gotten a taste of victory over your old bugaboos. will you be satisfied with these partial breakthroughs or will you fight and kick and scratch to strip away the almosts and ascend to utter triumph?

the new wtf

watch.think.feel. re-programing my brain. my favourite physio wants me to use wtf to do the job. still working on my spirit and attitude. no short cuts, long cuts are the name of the game. it is like when you are a kid and the teacher says you are only cheating yourself. don't panic or give into fear. don't give up. make strategies for yourself. there are some things no one can teach. independence. practice everything.

dragonfly infinity

had a dream about staying at this hotel with a room formerly inhabited by an artist. the artist had left pottery, plants and the space had a lived in feel. there was a theme of infinity and pottery with dragonflies. there was a hanging plant that crept across the ceiling and some ivy. there was a storybook clock with an ornate gold frame. i don't remember what time it was. wishing i had my dream book but no dice. will need to get your two cents. pretty please.

faith

believing it is possible. calm. determined. happy. these are my goals, i am in treatment for the next few weeks, not sure how regular the posts will be. moral support welcome.

sun + lightning shower

a rumble. a crack. the sky divided. a strange storm yesterday. fitting.

happy friday

when my mind is full of stories and characters, inspired by good company, i have found bliss. imaging an evening sky lit up with fire flies. there is beauty everywhere.

lights, camera, action!

there was a beautiful thunder and lightning storm last night. turned off all the lights and just enjoyed the spectacle from my bedroom window. so lovely. art.in.progress.

more poems found

circa high school and my favourite university class, creative writing. plus the odd essay. postcards of my brain, fun to remember the evolving character. no critics allowed, appreciating the person i was and am, full stop.

good find: the muppets

lost & profound:poem

a friend of mine recently re-discovered a poem i wrote about our shared cottage experience from our university days. sort of like finding a postcard from years past. parts of it are ok. parts cringe-worthy i must admit. here's a link to my favourite poet who inspires even to this day. sun moon stars rain.

the view from here

went to the rom on sunday and sampled the C5 splendour. felt like a movie set. fun to spend a few moments on top of the city.

in.spire: cool prints

fuel for the creative inspiration engine, and they're local. so cool.

good find: love me or leave me...

dream: kid in a bunny suit

had a dream about my friend's son as a baby dressed in a bunny costume. theories? no, no babies for me.

good flick: (500) days of summer

best movie I have seen in a long while. an almost love story. kick ass soundtrack too. the characters feel like people you already know. see.it.

frank

went to the AGO on sunday and had deluxe perogies at frank. savour the deluxe-ness!

dream: big dog

had a dream that an over-sized st.bernard jumped on a car i was riding in. i raised a hand to fend him off and looked back and saw that he died. i have theories on this one but would like another perspective.

salt + pepper cats

two cats with black and white spots have decided the front yard, beneath our umbrella tree is their new fav lounge. when dN tried to chase them away, they sent him eyes of daggers and almost risked death by on-coming traffic to continue their hate-on. maybe they are re-incarnations of former inhabitants. a pair of sweethearts from the 20s.

dreams: more riddles to unfold

i dreamed about wearing mismatched shoes on the wrong feet. one shoe was a cream coloured old fashioned one with a heel. i think the other was a black ballet flat but i don't recall. once again my dream guide falls short in the interpretation dept. theories welcome.

dream analysis needed

had this dream last night about a blue polka dot dress, two other girls had the same dress only with red polka dots. were we bridesmaids? the dream book comes up empty on that one, what do you think it means?

my dreams have been colourful lately. dreamed about a poetry slam down a few nights ago, apparently if you recite poetry in a dream it fortells a slew of admirers. had another about taking a bath in a swiss thermal bathtub. if the temperature was just right, it was a sign you will accomplish your goal. here's to that!

a dentist by any other name...

went to a new dentist today. a laid-back character by the name of Humphrey. not after Bogart sadly. a quirky detail with blog written all over it. all he needs is a trench coat. we'll always have liberty village. play it again sam.

that's so random

who knew this site existed? the web is quirky yet useful.

prose & cons

good find: hello Lucky!

dN gave me a card from this company this morning. melted my heart of course. cool sf company.

opera calling

the opera singer next door decided to practice during a conference call yesterday. mildly comical. mildly argh. yesterday was one i'd like to forget, today my head aches as payback. the sound of rain falling out the window is solace, wishing for calm and quiet. so hard to listen and follow the listen to your body advice this week, i feel these regrets and fear at not getting well fast enough. faith, pray life gives me a second chance. give yourself one.

peonies in the window

our peony bush has begun to bloom. dN brought me a bouquet today so they are delivering heavenly scents as i work this afternooon. now all i need to do is follow my own advice, caved into tears two steps before reaching my goal this morning even though the steps leading up to it were quite good. oh the drama! there is always next time.

be your own best friend

that is today's lesson. i have been trying to skip ahead and keep forgetting that you need to stand before you can walk, that you are not slacking if you visualize moving your toe instead of doing physio. accepting the stage you are at, trying to be happy NOW. most of my falls lately have happened because i move from an unstable position, hoping that if i rush to the next move everything will fall into place. i need to love myself no matter what body part is malfunctioning at any given moment. the challenge this week is to listen to my body, rest when needed, stand when you've got the energy, sometimes stopping the panic, frenzy, fear monster is the best thing you can do with the moment. the answers are within.

absurdity witnessed: Russian lover's quarrel in the park

yesterday we grabbed a late lunch from our favourite Japanese grocery store. there was a sun shower so our plan for a Pocky picnic outside was foiled. we parked the car beside a park and thought we'd have a car picnic instead. a calm green spot to enjoy from within. or so we thought. the minute we unwrapped and dived into our feast this character appeared. he was shouting in Russian into his cellphone, pacing and gesturing. a heated argument between Russian lovers? perhaps, we would need an interpreter. abruptly, the call ended and he returned to a group of friends further in the park. then she must have wanted the last word because the whole scene unfolded a second time. it was a bit surreal, like a bit of theatre. a play.

lend me your ear

my right ear has been aching, probably sinus congestion. the tail end of this terrible cold/flu we have been fighting off since mother's day. it is not plugged like the other time. revenge of the seemingly sweet but honestly, lately stresser, stalker mom. the lesson for me has been standing up for myself emotionally, a metaphor. monday i had a spectacular fall. timber! not good, banged my head on the floor. just have to keep trying and focus, think thru each move and don't panic. hard as it is, picking yourself up and trying to move forward is a good thing.

jazz in the afternoon

one of my favourite rituals at the moment is soaking up the afternoon sun with dN in the backyard. i usually do physio, rest. or make some cards. he tends to taming the overgrown garden or tinkers with his bike. the next door neighbour might be a jazz singer, it is sublime hearing soulful bits floating out the window. always feels like a gift. we also play the imaginative what if games. like what if you were a fabulous chef but had to eat kraft dinner for every meal to keep your talent. the minute you didn't, you would lose it all. would you do it? today's line of inquiry centered around discovering a dead version of yourself from the future. what would you do? what if there was a newspaper with future winning lottery numbers, would you play them?

you are what you think

i am going on a trash mag diet. enough octo mom and jon and kate non-sense. junk food for the mind. going to focus on healthier fare. soul satisfying. less tv, mind less distractions. more affirmations and taking out the trash. the peaceful warrior inspired me.

peaceful warrior

words of wisdom. watch it.

black bird

take these broken wings and learn to fly.

thunder + power

the heavens are rumbling. loud claps of thunder, reports of hail, heavy rain symbolic perhaps. last night after midnight the power went out. i had insomnia so the light was missed and the opportunity to distract myself to sleep with a movie was not possible. i can relate to this weather, personally. it will lead to greener days, just got to weather the storm.

don't panic

it is like the rock climber says FEAR SUCKS. i have noticed i have been panicking lately, and when i do, i lose focus and then fail. then i get the weepies. for shame. not proud of this but admission may help me conquer it. focus. calm. you can do it. nurture the fighter in you.

good find: the sweater song

coaching takes many forms, a good friend sent this to lift my spirits, muchly appreciated.

bag o wishes + the box arrives

deluxe-ness. silly me. had a bag of mrs. vickie's today and there were a record number of wish chips. for those of you who don't know - a wish chip is folded in half. legend has it, when you find one of these rare oddities, it is like a chip genie appears and grants your wish. as kids, it was cause for celebration. who knew potatoe chips could be so much fun? junk food meets fortune telling.

the next cause for celebration, was the box. on my door step, at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, audrey dropped off a box with my initials on it. inside, the stuff to create 12 artists trading cards by may 7. the challenge is set. time to create. the theme is circles. when i was a kid, from the moment i could doodle, i used to draw page upon page of circles. fitting. join the circle. wishes and circles, the stars are aligning. i have seen some improvement, on the health front small milestones but still, good news. keep cheering on the coach. a true cause for celebration, a reminder not to get discouraged and to keep focused, fight the good fight, hold the tears and grit the teeth with determination. yes.we.can.

life lessons from a rock climber

bat-ty

dn chased a bat out of the work,in.progress house last night. hopefully it took all my hopelessness and bad spirits with it. today i worked out to the tunes in in.spire. i need a mac truck of motivation, when lately I have had the motivation of sludge. send me songs, or any form of inspiration. yes.we.can.

an orchid arrives

yesterday, i got a special delivery. an orchid to lift my spirits. thank you for the love. savour the deluxe-ness.

boom, he's a puppeteer

an interview, gone very wrong. funny as all hell.